Ouch!

I can't remember ever having this much emotional pain. Wow I did not see this coming. I sure feel like I have been blindsided. I have seen less damage on when animals attack. I am bleeding inside. I hurt because someone thinks so little of me. It is one thing to fail when you have not tried, but to fail in someones sight and you have poured your blood, sweat and tears into the process and then be chopped off at the base. I feel used and discarded like a door mat that is long past it's prime. Wow how must have Jesus felt when they disposed of His efforts. I search my self for any validity to their claims. Am I that bad? Have I failed to the point of no return, and meaning well all along. Am I so dense that I can't see that maybe they might be right. The only clear view from all this is that I am just the head of a so called failing church. There are those who were attacked right along with me and they don't even know it. We are called Biblically illiterate because of me of course. We don't measure up because we don't know the scriptures like we should. That is my fault to because I don't teach them in the right way. Bla,Bla, blaa, Blaaaa. Many words to say I am bleeding from an attack from someone that i thought was a friend. A brother in Christ. At one time I considered him a confidon. Ouch! It Hurts. Thank you Lord that I know my call is sure because by this persons advise I should go back to working on airplanes. Jesus how do you love like you do? I don't want to even though i told then I did love them. Forgive me God!